Things your gifted child would tell you if he could

Santosh Gaikwad

Santosh Gaikwad

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Santosh Gaikwad

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Preface

No doubt it is extremely challenging for the parents and the loved ones of the gifted children to sail through daily problems.

Though generally it is perceived that these children don’t understand the pain through which their parents go, but it is not true.

These  children are very well aware of the circumstances, but they are unable to control the situations irrespective of their effort.

I must acknowledge that following are few observations shared by one of the anonymous parent and not mine, but they are so heart touching i thought of sharing with you all.

Things your gifted child would tell you if he could

1. I’m trying way harder

I am trying way harder than you’ll ever know even though it doesn’t seem to you. I really, truly am.

2. Criticizing me doesn’t help me

Criticizing me or getting angry at me that my brain doesn’t work better doesn’t help me. It makes me hate myself even more.

3. Try to find ways to help me

I’m painfully aware of all the areas that I’m not measuring up. Instead of making a big deal about my shortcomings, try to find ways to help me.

4. I’m going to be grateful.

An accommodation isn’t the same as enabling. If you help me where I’m genuinely struggling, I’m going to be grateful. Don’t assume that I’m manipulating you.

5. I’m not doing this to you; it’s not something I am doing on purpose.

6. Is it hard to live with me?

If you think it’s hard to live with me, imagine trying to live inside a body that won’t do what you want it to do.

7. I am not unkind

My brain doesn’t work right but I don’t know how to tell you that. It makes me angry and unkind, but I’m not trying to be that way.

8. Love me no matter what

When I’m being horrible, what I really need is for you to tell me you’ll love me no matter what.

And maybe hug me, too. I probably believe that I’m unlovable, so prove me wrong.

9. Pushing harder doesn’t help me.

I know that my lack of motivation is frustrating, but pushing harder doesn’t help me do better.

10. My anger and frustration is a result of my brain not processing properly.

When I’m overwhelmed and freaking out, don’t escalate by freaking out or getting angry too. I need you to be calm and show me that everything’s going to be fine even when I feel like it’s not.

11. I need your help

If I get overwhelmed, don’t expect me to sort out the problem all by myself.

The part of my brain the controls regulation doesn’t work properly. That’s why I need your help to regulate.

12. Don’t try to break me of things that you see as weaknesses.

My sensitivity as a child means I’ll be compassionate as an adult. My stubbornness as a child means I’ll be independent and assertive as an adult.

Instead of squashing these characteristics, channel them toward something good that can benefit me when I’m older. Don’t view me as something that needs fixed or toughened-up.

13. Don’t be afraid of labeling me.

A label gives me answers and help. If my condition is serious enough to need to be diagnosed, you can guarantee that I’ve noticed something’s wrong and I’m wondering why I’m different too.

Unless you tell me what’s going on, I’m likely to grow up angry and confused about why everyone has it all together and I don’t. A label means I can get help; it gives me answers and vindication.

14. I have a real, actual medical condition in my brain.

It’s just as real as if I had Type 1 Diabetes. Just like Diabetes, I need help to deal with the condition. No one tells someone with Type 1 Diabetes that they are lazy if they’re tired because their blood sugar is low. They understand that it’s part of the condition.

Please, please, please learn about my condition, and don’t blame me for things that are out of my control. Just like leaving Type 1 Diabetes untreated results in serious complications and even death, untreated ADHD can lead to serious complications –potentially including death.

Thankfully, there are many ways to treat ADHD (and medication isn’t the only way).

15. My frontal lobe is developing 30% behind normal.

Please understand this and don’t put me in situations I’m not ready to handle. If you give me responsibility that’s beyond my developmental age, don’t be angry with me that I do poorly. That’s setting me up for failure, and that’s just cruel.

16. Stop expecting me to be normal. I can’t be.

Not for all my trying. Until you accept that, I’ll always be a failure in your eyes, and I’ll always view myself as not good enough.

17. I will become the way you treat me

You have the power to make me miserable by how you treat me. Remember to treat me with love and grace. Treat me how you would want to be treated if you were struggling with a problem in your brain.

I may make myself miserable sometimes, but don’t add to that by treating me poorly. When in doubt, be kind. Believe me, I need your kindness.

>> Health and Parenting


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