Change from nagging parent to motivator

Santosh Gaikwad
Latest posts by Santosh Gaikwad (see all)

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Preface

Moms and Dads would never agree that they actually Nag, no one wants to be a naggy but it just happen, and if you are a parent of Slow Learner, ADHD, ADD, Autistic kids then its a big challenge to get the things done from kids. these kids would keep repeating or keep forgetting things, you would think that you are just reminding them to do the tasks. sometimes, we get frustrated with them because we see the negative in us comes out because of them. Is that their fault? Of course not. Is it ours? Not always because we don’t realize what we’re doing.

Nagging

“It is the interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, the other person repeatedly ignores it and both become increasingly annoyed.” Nagging is a form of persistent intention or behavior that is more repetitive, it is often unproductive. Psychologically, nagging can act to reinforce behavior.

Are you rejecting your child?

A study done at Washington State University and published in 1959 described parental nagging of children as being a “symptom of the rejection of the child”,  in circumstances when child’s requirements are perceived to interfere with the mother’s “individual needs and aspirations.”

 

Are you rejecting your child by nagging?

Nagging takes away child’s self-worth over time. Studies show that nagging does not improve behavior it actually worsens it. Nagging is especially defeating in kids with a poor self-image. Nagging and repeating commands make kids nervous. constantly reminding your children produces more negative behavior.

Over controlling parents cause their children lifelong psychological damage, says study.

Nagging doesn’t work.

1. Look at yourself, take responsibility
We really shouldn’t tell our children to keep their room spotless if we’re not going to do the same.  Keep their bathroom spotless, if we’re not keeping ours that way.

It’s not always that the child is hardheaded or rebellious. It’s what we’re doing, or not doing, or it is the way we are presenting it to them. And how we react to their actions, speaks volumes to them, especially when you do keep everything spotless and do everything right, and expect them to follow, then they will.

 

2. Change the way, you speak to them
Try to be assertive than negative. Ask questions. “I know you were excited about staying on schedule with getting your homework completed by evening, how is that coming along?” Instead of, “We’re not leaving this house until your bed is made, how many times do I have to repeat myself!”

3. Keep your Ego and Knowledge away
keep your ego and knowledge away and pay attention on your mistakes, we will learn more about ourselves as we go along. if you are willing to put aside your ego and acknowledge, you can retrace and see what went wrong (the words used, the actions used)

4. More you Nag, less they hear
Nagging is unpleasant. No one wants to hear the same old nag over and over, your spouse and kids will simply stop listening. The more you nag, the less they hear.

5. Nagging has negative focus
Nagging focuses on what a child is not doing. Nagging points out all the things that are wrong with the child, and implies that he or she is not worthy because he or she has not done certain tasks.

Nagging is a way of finding fault, and it tends to wear people down instead of build them up.

What to do, so that kids co-operate.

1. State the rules clearly and let them know consequences.

2. Give your child control over his activities
Research shows that if you continually make every decision for your child, they’ll lose the ability to make decisions. They’ll take a passive role in the game of life. If bad things happen, this easily leads to depression, since they feel powerless in the face of adversity.

3. Let them face the consequences of not performing tasks

4. Make a commitment to focus on the positive
How parents communicate with their kids not only sets the tone for a healthy relationship, but it models appropriate behavior. Parents should give specific praise to the things that kids are doing correctly.

5. Catch your child being good
Everyone likes to receive praise. Instead of       concentrating on what your child isn’t doing, focus on the times when he does cooperate and praise him for the same.

6. Give reasons for your demands
children can’t always see the reasoning behind the things a parent wants them to do, so make sure you give a valid reason for your asks.

7. Avoid talking too much
When parents go on and on, kids tune them out. Researchers have shown that the human brain can keep only four “chunks” of information or unique ideas in short-term (active) memory at once. This amounts to about 30 seconds or one or two sentences of speaking.

8. Use Calm and Caring Approach
Some children inwardly suppress sadness and depression, while others display outward signs of anger. They may act out at home or in school. “For the anti-authoritarian child, rebelling against authority is the only way to secure freedom.”.

When such children are constantly being barked at by their parents, their resolve to rebel will only increase, hence use a calm and caring approach with your child.

9. Stay away from negative talks
The book Words Can Change Your Brain, show how negativity and stress are related.  When we speak negative thoughts, whether they are about illness, fear, worry, disapproval, or even a simple “no,” additional stress chemicals are released. And this doesn’t stop with our brains. causes anxiety and irritability in our listeners. As a result, trust and cooperation kid and you is undermined. And if not rectified, negativity can destroy family relationships and cause emotional harm.

 

You may be surprised at the results you get from these small changes you make.

As a parent, we should never stop trying to guide and help our children anytime. we have to be creative because every child is special and unique, and so are we! Their actions aren’t perfect, but are ours? As long as we keep searching for what will work for that special individual child, then we can pat ourselves on the back.

Be patient and show that you have confidence in your child even at the risk of him/her not coming through. You may be surprised.

 

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